Tall Girl's Guide to a Short Girl's World

One tall girl talking about relatively small problems

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Being Tall During the Holidays

Tall Girl’s Guide wanted to provide a few helpful suggestions for getting through the holidays as a tall girl:

1. Don’t have a Christmas Tree? Cover yourself in lights and let your friends hang ornaments off you! 

You’ll be the hit of the town as your very own personal christmas tree! 

2. Avoid awkward work holiday hook ups by being taller than the mistletoe! 

It officially doesn’t cover as standing under the mistletoe if you are eye level with it. (Feel free to bend the rules if you want to kiss the person)

3. Win every shopping fight by aggressive shoving. 

Whether you hit up Black Friday or are still braving the mall, simply reach out and start knocking people down.  Plus you can hold a lot more goods in those long arms than average. 

4. Choose the best TSA line

The only perk to being a tall person at the airport is that you have the best view of all the lines at security. Scoop out the shortest while everyone else is eye level with your freshly taken off shoes. 

5. When drunk, reach up and pluck the star off of your family’s christmas tree and place it on your head. It’s hilarious. Trust me. 

Perhaps this one isn’t the best idea. 

6. When lighting the menorah, claim that you too are also a miracle. 

I mean have you seen the percentage. We’re as rare as 7 day long burning oil! Give us a holiday!

I here at Tall Girl’s Guide hopes everyone has a wonderful holiday filled with family, friends, and long pants! 

See you in 2014! 

Filed under holidays christmas hanukkah mistletoe tall tall girl tall lady height TSA christmas tree

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Props to the Height Appropriate Couple

Last night I was at a party where the hosts were both pretty short.  I wanted to compliment them on being so height appropriate for each other but didn’t because I didn’t want to be rude. 

But is it rude to enjoy seeing short people dating short people?  For once it’s not a tiny girl dating a tall guy.  They were so perfectly matched - I bet they can reach everything in their kitchen because no one is putting stuff away on too high a shelf. 

It’s just so hard when it comes to height and dating.  I know plenty of great short guys who are struggling to find love and some fantastic tall girls who are trying to do the same.

So it’s just nice when too people find love on the same plane and I think it’s worth complimenting. 

Filed under couples tall girl short guy dating height appropriate

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As a tall lady, I feel like I have to be strong all the time.  Every once in a while, you want to be held, like really held, and made to feel safe and secure. 

I think this cartoon really shows that.  Except now I want the counterpoint cartoon about how freaking awesome it is to be strong, powerful, and tall because sometimes I love being that too. 

Filed under tall small cartoon tall lady

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Tall and Children - When Elbows Meet Heads

Last Tuesday, I was at Disneyland for my birthday. Whenever I’m in a crowded place with lots of children, I end up running into them - a lot. It’s not my fault that they aren’t in my field of vision! And they run around in random patterns and stop randomly. It’s like they are begging for me to trip over them. 

Then I do and they fall and start crying and their mom looks at me like you horrible monster. This is what Frankenstein’s Monster must have felt like. 

So we’re walking through the crowds with my elbows hitting whatever child happens to be that height when I notice up ahead a dad clocking his child in the head (by accident, of course).  The dad apologizes and the kid goes “I’m always getting hit!” to which the dad responses with “Well son, you’re just at that age when your head and my elbows meet.” 

Thank you, random dad! For acknowledging that children are just at elbow height and we feel bad about hitting you but we just don’t see you! I’m not a horrible monster, I’m just minding my own business and trying not to walk into any low hanging signs. 

Filed under tall tall lady tall girl disneyland children elbow

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Manic Pixie Dream zzzzzzzzz

Last month, the New Statesman published an article called I was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl and in the article, she wrote “And that’s how I became a Manic Pixie Dream Girl…I had the raw materials: I’m five feet nothing, petite and small-featured…

That line right there is why I have a problem with this Manic Pixie Dream Girl obsession.  Manic Pixie Dream Girls are tiny and adorable and can fit in pockets - basically a tall girl’s nightmare.  

Now it seems like everyone else is become sick of the Manic Pixie Dream Girls but I’ve hated them from the beginning!  Because of my height, I feel like I’ve been type-casted as the MPDG’s older, more responsible sister.  I’m there to shelter this tiny thing when her heart is finally broken and protect her from her indie hipster love interest. 

I don’t know if it’s my size or my personality or my size affecting my personality but being the whimsical airhead that becoming a MPDG requires seems silly to me.  No one wants to see a tall girl dance in the middle of the street - what is adorable when done by someone who is five feet tall is frightening when done by someone who is six feet tall.  It goes from look at that slightly crazy but perfectly harmless girl to that girl could crush me - run away - she’s on roller blades!  

But there’s an upside - the article goes on to say how this woman fought against her Manic Pixie Dream Girl tendencies to create her own story, not just one played in relation to a guy.  And I’ve been doing that my whole life.  

Guys weren’t interested in me because I couldn’t play the game of ‘look at all the small places I can fit into’ so I made my own life.  I became interesting on my own and am able to stand by myself.  Sure it can be lonely knowing that a tall girl like myself will never be the love interest in a Zach Braff movie but it also can be liberating.  I mean WE’LL NEVER BE THE LOVE INTEREST IN A ZACH BRAFF MOVIE!! 

So Tall Ladies - create your starring role and write an article called “I never was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl and I’m more interesting for it” 

Filed under manic pixie dream girl mpdg zach braff tall girl new statesman tall

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Life is Still Scary from Up Here

Hey Tall Ladies, 

First off, I’m sorry that I fell off the face of the earth.  I’m a comedy writer by trade and had to focus on some other creative projects for a while.  I hope you forgive me and I promise I’ll try to write more frequently in the future.  

Second off, this isn’t a silly post.  

I feel like women have been in the news lately especially in relation to women’s rights and safety.  There’s been a lot written on rape culture recently.  I don’t really care about your politics but I do want to say one thing: Be Safe Out There. 

When you are the same size as boys, you start to believe that you are the same as boys.  But unfortunately they are still stronger than us.  It’s the way our bodies are built and it pisses me off.  

Sure I can lift heavy things and reach things that are up high but when things get scary, I can’t just push my way out.  

There are benefits for being tall - I can handle my liquor better than my shorter friends, I am less of a target, I can kick harder…but I still need to be aware of my surroundings, watch out for my friends, and be careful when I’m out and about.  

I often become the protector when I’m out with my friends.  I’m there to help them up if they get too drunk, push away guys if they get too aggressive, basically watch over and make sure everyone gets home safe.  I feel like my height allows me to do this, gives me the confidence to stand up and say I can take you in a fight.  But it doesn’t always level the playing field. 

So I hope this post reminds you that just become you’re tall, doesn’t mean you are safe.  I’m sorry if this post sounds like a promo for the evening news, it’s just been on my mind recently and I wanted to post it.  Back to my usual silly posts soon. 

Filed under tall tall lady tall girl women safety